Chick Hern: The Gift And The Curse

By: Jeff Girouard

E- Mail: LASportsblog@gmail.com

What Happened? Its early 2002... Britney is still attractive, the underdog Pats just foiled the “Greatest Show on Turf” in Super Bowl XXXVI, Lindsey Lohan is doing Disney Movies instead of blow, the “Shaw-Shaq Redemption” is in full effect and the Lakers appear poised to capture their third straight championship.

Until ‘02, Chick Hearn was the only play-by play announcer in L.A. Laker history. His staccato delivery kept radio listeners and television viewers entertained and informed for more than 42 seasons. He called all 9 Los Angeles Laker championships and didn’t miss a day of work in 3,338 consecutive games. So when he put a game “in the refrigerator” you knew it was a wrap. Since his death the Lakers have fallen from grace. When the voice of your franchise, a man who invented terms like “slam dunk” and “air-ball” (seriously), passes, does that championship magic leave with him?

January, 2002: Chick’s consecutive game streak ends at 3,338 games, after heart surgery. I remember spending all 17 games of his hiatus wondering, how (with the wealth of on-air talent in Los Angeles) the Lakers could decide Paul Sunderland was the most viable backup.
June 12, 2002: The Lakers sweep The New Jersey Nets in four games and capture a third straight championship. This would be Chick’s final broadcast.

2002-2003: Paul Sunderland takes over the Laker play-by-play duties permanently.

May 15, 2003: The Lakers are downed in six games by the eventual champion Spurs. The supreme lack of depth doomed the team from the outset. Nate has since reminded me of Big Shot Bob’s complete no show in the series (an ice cold 3-38 in the ‘02 post season from the land of 3). Horry had reluctantly become the teams third option which further underscored the team’s weak supporting cast (think names like Tracy Murray, Mark Madsen, and Slava Medvedenko).

Summer 2003: The Lakers sign Karl Malone and Gary Payton...
I find out there is a place called Eagle County, Colorado and Kobe is arrested on sexual assault charges...

Robert Horry leaves the Lakers and signs with the Spurs.

October 2003: The Lakers drop the radio-television simulcast. Sorry Paul but when your staple phrase is a raspy “What did I just see!?!,” you’re style just does not translate to radio. Granted he faced the nearly impossible task of replacing a broadcast legend, but his ambiguous language undoubtedly frustrated Laker fans stuck in commuter traffic.

2003-2004: Karl Malone misses 39 regular season games after suffering a devastating knee injury, still the Lakers finish with the conference’s second best record.

May 13, 2004: .4 This celebration is the only redeemable memory from that season. Karl Malone’s Dion Sanders-esque high-step down the court could only have been outdone if Ho Grant had broke out the goggles and the running-man.

June 15, 2004: The star-crossed Lakers could not overcome injuries to Derek Fisher and Karl Malone and fall to the Pistons in 5 games. This is where the proverbial shit hits the fan.

Summer 2004: Phil drops the Last Season in which he chronicles the frustrations of managing a team with hall-of-fame talent and no identity. He leaves the organization “at peace with the situation.” I think I’d be pretty ok with things too if I was at the tail end of my $50 million contract and still had the boss’s daughter on my... arm.

Shaquille O’Neal is traded to the Miami Heat for Lamar, Caron Butler and Brian Grant...

Los Angeles takes a collective sigh of relief as Laker brass signs Kobe to a max deal...

2004-2005: Rudy T resigns as Head Coach after 41 games siting health concerns. Assistant Frank Hamblin takes over and the team stumbles to a 34-48 record. The Lakers would miss the playoffs for the first time in over 10 years.

June 15, 2005: Phil Jackson returns to the team.

Summer 2005: Mitch Kupchak trades Caron Butler, the most valuable (dollar-for-dollar) player in the Shaquille O’Neal deal, to the Wizards for Kwame Brown. Caron Butler has since become an All-Star in Washington and Kwame still fumbles entry passes out of bounds. Every sure dunk Kwame tries to finesse wildly off the glass is like smoking a cigarette it takes 7 minutes off of Phil
Jackson’s life. The man is basically defying science at this point.

jimmy Buss strains his rotator cuff patting himself on the back after “discovering” Andrew Bynum...

Paul Sunderland’s television contract is not renewed. Some blame the ratings dip, while others point to his awkwardly rigid style either way his transition to Sparks telecasts... seamless.

Vlade Divac retires and Brian Grant gets Allan Houston-ed. OK. Combined: 15 starts, 6.1 ppg, 5.8 rpg, and a $17 million cap hit. Oh but the emotional callus I’ve developed to every failed signing and underwhelming draft choice since...priceless.

2005-2006: Andrew Bynum v. Shaq becomes an instant youtube classic. It is a bigger, more violent incarnation of the epic Iverson v. Jordan matchup in ‘96.

April 30, 2006: This validates watching 2 full seasons of less than stellar basketball.

May 4, 2006: Game 6. Tim Thomas. Let me get this straight...Before being waived by Chicago two months into the 05-06 season he can’t find playing time behind guys like Michael Sweetney and Malik Allen and by April he’s Larry Bird? In Phoenix’s 4 wins Thomas shoots a sobering 55.8% from the field and 44% (7-16) from 3.The man had dollar signs in his eyes and like all good curses, you need that one player, a player whose entire career can be defined in one singular act of pro sports cock block. Game 6. Tim Thomas.

Now here we are... Its 2007, the franchise is reeling from yet another Suns’ flogging, the owner’s DUI, and Kobe’s hot-cold trade demand. The bottom line is whether by curse, chance or circumstance they haven’t won a thing since Chick passed and the Lakers are now a .500 season away from losing the best player on the planet. And if the team wasn’t cursed before...