This is absurd, not just a little absurd, but completely and utterly ridiculous even by my low and half-baked standards. Basically i look forward to reading two things on Tuesday's: 1. The UEFA Champions League Previews on SI.com and 2. Gregg Easterbrook's Tuesday Morning Quarterback. People have their varying thoughts on Easterbrook and the rest of the Page 2 staff at ESPN, a section once reserved for the opinions of award-winning writer Hunter S. Thompson, now a bastardized shell of it's original self that features such writing heavy hitters as Bill Simmons and DJ Gallo. I'm not saying I have a problem with either Simmons or Gallo because I enjoy reading them from time to time but you can't hold them and Scoop Jackson in the same light you would Mr. Thompson. Anyway here we are on Tuesday afternoon and I finally have a subject to move me away from writing a 2000 word sequel to OJ's "I Did It, Here's How It Happened" regarding Mike Shanahan.
Gregg Easterbrook set out to put us through one of his weekly 4000 articles regarding everything NFL from the previous weekend, this weekend he failed so bad I almost wanted to stop reading his work altogether. I have previously loved reading Easterbrook's common sense take on how the NFL should run and how coaches call games, partly because his ideas give validity to how I coach and play in NCAA Football and Madden '08. But this week he decided to stick it to me and the rest of his readers with a 1600 word rant on the auto industry and fuel economy... I'll take a page out of Easterbrook's book and repeat myself because I don't believe you have the mental capacity to go back in the paragraph and read what I just wrote 50 words ago; this week he decided to stick it to me and the rest of his readers with a 1600 work rant on the auto industry and FUEL ECONOMY! The Browns beat the Bengals... the Browns beat anyone, moreover they won a 51-45 shootout in which DEREK ANDERSON threw for 5 touchdowns and Easterbrook waste 1600 words in a football article on fuel economy. I don't even understand why he bothered to include it in the article, it had no football lead-in or anything, it's just dropped into the middle of the article. 1600 words on fuel economy between 400 words on the NE/SD game and only 100 words on the Raiders/Broncos debacle at the end of their game that lead to the NFL again basically telling Oakland "sorry, we know the rule is horrible and has no place in the book, but we're too incompetent to do anything about it and we we're also hoping you would be the victim before we are forced to change the rule." I won't get any further into the DEN/OAK game expect to say that Oakland is not only the best 0-2 team in the NFL, from their performance in Denver on Sunday, they look like the only 0-2 team who might still have an outside shot at the playoffs. A couple of 0-2 teams each year find a way to turn it around and make the playoffs, why not Oakland? It all comes down to this Gregg, I think your a level-headed and intelligent American with plenty of good ideas in your head, spending almost half of your weekly football article to make a political statement against the American Auto Industry wasn't one of those good ideas, and now the only thing I look forward to reading on Tuesdays is the UEFA Champions League Preview.
While I'm on the idea of ESPN's Page 2 Jemele Hill has done something that had to be done, she just did a poor job of doing it. Hill took on the task of writing the "reserve judgement on OJ's latest arrest" article and for lack of a better word, murdered it. Jemele spends the entire article asking the reader to go easy on her for what she's writing and reminding everyone that she isn't supporting or defending Orenthal James instead of doing her job by presenting the reasons for why we should reserve our judgement. She even goes on to list off different things that look like Orenthal James might be getting rail-roaded by Las Vegas Metro Police, going so far as to bring the argument: "Realize this is the same police department that still can't find out who murdered Tupac, WHO WAS KILLED RIGHT OFF THE STRIP." How disgraceful for Jemele to use the Tupac incident to discredit LVMPD in a case against Orenthal James Simpson, as a black man in America I'm completely disgusted by this, as a young black man in America, I'm ashamed by Jemele. She claims that she isn't defending Orenthal James, she claims that she is just trying to give him a level playing field in the public court of opinion. Yet 1 of her 4 signs of the situation sounding like a set-up is that LVMPD couldn't find Tupac's killer, therefore they have to be rail-roading OJ. (to think anyone in a position of power was looking for the killer of my generation's most influential voice in black culture is to live in a dream land anyway) Orenthal James Simpson was only acquitted of double homicide in Los Angeles because he was on trial in a city fresh off race riots and the acquittal of the officers who beat Rodney King. If those acquittals don't happen, as well as the riots or if OJ is on trial in another city he goes away for life; OJs acquittal was the apparent "eye for an eye" in the LA justice system. Orenthal James Simpson is a man who is a lifelong criminal who has used his celebrity to avoid convictions on Road Rage, Domestic Violence, Stolen Cable and Double Homicide, I hope the buck stops at Armed Robbery, and I suggest a sentence of 32 years if convicted.
On a lighter note instead of Peter King's "Ten Things I Think I Think" I provide you with "5 Talking Points I know I know" mostly because I'm cynical, opinionated and think you might possibly give half a damn about what I believe; but also partly because knowing things is more decisive, even if u don't.
1. I know that Derek Anderson is not for real: It's much more likely that Cincinnati's defense is really that bad and no one really realized it. Ponder this:
Derek Anderson's Career Passer Rating Through 5 games in 2006: 63.1
Derek Anderson's Passer Rating in 2007 Through 2 games: 101.3
I don't think Derek Anderson will drop 40 rating points in 3 games, but I do think he will drop about 25 points, he's always looked like a 75.0 passer rating guy, a career back-up. So before he get crowned and the trade rumors start over Brady Quinn, just know that Anderson isn't a sure thing.
2. I know Mike Shanahan is the Anti-Christ: this is no explanation of this one... I just know it.
3. I know Roger Goodell sent a message on Football Night in America and that message was "I'm more interesting then Olbermann": Goodell told me three things with his interview on Sunday night: 'those who cheat in my NFL will face harsh consequences', 'if you try to weasel outta punishment for cheating then I'll do unthinkable things to your franchise' and 'interviewing Me during halftime each Sunday would be far more interesting than anything Keith Olbermann could possibly do, so cut your losses NBC and just quit the "worst person in the NFL" segment before Olbermann ends up as the 2nd part of my "I did it, here's how it happened" book about Shanahan.
4. I know San Diego won't make it pass the 2nd round of the playoffs: I only offer you this piece of information for my argument: Re-watch the SD/NE game and the first quarter and a half shows not only how poorly Norv Turner and his staff prepared his team for a New England team with something to prove at home, but how they were unable to make adjustments to the defense and passing game to counter-act the New England game plan. Hear me now, loud and clear Alex Gillis and Dave Liu, Norv Turner will never win a Super Bowl, and your teams talent can't overcome Turner's incompetence as a head coach.
5. I know that I forgot to wish Alex Gillis happy birthday on Sunday and that makes me a bad friend: I was so busy bitching about the Oakland game Sunday afternoon I forgot to say happy birthday when I called him... I called him and forgot to say it, it makes me a bad friend and a real jackass. So Gillis I hope your girlfriend took care of you since youf Friend and football team let you down. All you kids out there, don't be a douche-bag friend, call your friends on their birthday, and actually wish them happy birthday.
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