By: Nate Gordon
Those good 'ol Bums. Once falling on their face at Ebbets field now imploding this fall in Chavez Ravine and on a TV or Radio near you. While I gotta sit by and listen to the band wagoners awake for another Orange County/ Golden State Angels playoff run, me and the rest of Los Angeles are stuck without October baseball. The Dodger pitching staff has been lackluster the last 2 months and the bats have been far from consistent. This shit hit the fan and the the whole second half of the season was summed up by Jeff Kent's remarks on 710ESPN with Kevin Kiley (D'Marco Left the show for opportunities in the NFL and good luck to him. Kevin isn't liked enough to be a sure thing in the time slot so they didn't name the show after him, I find this funny.) Jeff stated "...some of the younger guys didn't approach this last Rockies series like professionals and it showed... now we are out of the race..." The Dodgers were cleaned out by the Rockies and the D'Backs and are all but eliminated from playoff contention. Like they always say Dodger Fans, Wait 'Til next Year.
In other baseball news Milton Bradley tore his ACL while being tackled by his manager who was trying to restrain him during an argument with the 1st base umpire. I almost am lost for words about this, after watching the video several times it seems like the 1st base Ump says something pretty offensive because the 1st base coach for SD goes to get in the Umps face instead of turning to restrain Bradley. Things got escalated and as the skipper tried to hold Bradley from going after the umpire Milton's knee gave out and he collapsed onto the field. This whole story is something that could only come out of the 'Dennis Rodman/Carl Everett/J.R. Rider/Milton Bradley/Albert Belle/Kyle Turley/John Rocker File'. You never hear about Ken Griffey getting picked on by an ump to get his blood boiling, then having his manager so worried about Jr. going after the ump that he tries to hold him back resulting in an injury. You don't even hear about this happening to Sheffield, only someone like Bradley could be this ridiculous. The question is now how is Bradley's career affected and how might he be compensated for this freak accident?
Switching sports quicker then Smush Parker can turn the ball over I got a thought or two about Lovie Smith and the Bears situation. All the NFL experts and pundits have been writing in their articles and blogs and saying on TV that Lovie has to bench Rex. In every one of these 'original' pieces they mention how loyal Lovie is and how he needs to quit his loyalty and make a switch at quarterback. I'm going the other way with this, Lovie Smith is a loyal man by nature, it's part of his personality. If Lovie feels that his team is better off with Grossman at quarterback then I support his decision to keep 'Sexy Rexy' under center. Smith has to bring his locker room together and unite them behind Rex otherwise he might have some trouble, but don't change who you are as a coach to appease the pundits, stick true to yourself Coach.
How do I spell vindication? K-I-F-F-I-N. After last Sunday's debacle in Denver i went to Gillis's place to collect on a debt of 20 dollars owed by one Steve Dodge thanks to a 5 1/2 point spread bet I took in the Raiders/Broncos game. I was met with Dodge's 'all hail Shanahan' cack riding for an hour and not one dollar from his Hebrew hands. Despite my argument that Kiffin makes sound adjustments and had engineered back-to-back comebacks Dodge brought up the damned timeout and debunked my 'Kiffin is a good coach' argument. I thought this was stupid that a good move by Shanahan would mean that Kiffin was a bad coach, but most things in Steve's world make little to no sense. Either way Kiffin pulled the same move on the Browns this week that Shanahan pulled last week and when I called Steve to talk trash and feel vindicated I found his phone going straight to voice mail, that a boy Steve, showing those true Blue and Orange colors.
A quick final note on the Raiders, their next 4 weeks are @ 0-3 Miami, BYE, @1-2 San Diego and H vs. 1-2 Kansas City. The Raiders could be 3-3 after 7 weeks, in '06 they were 1-6 and in '05 they were 2-5. Also I love how aggressive the secondary players are but Michael Huff has to read the play fake better because he left the DBs without inside help on 2 occasions in which Derek Anderson couldn't convert.
All stats in the next section are from NFL.com
My top 5 Quarterbacks through 3 weeks -
AFC:
1.Tom Brady
The numbers and SC highlights say it all.
2.Carson Palmer
9 TDs and 300+ YPG/AVG.
3.Peyton Manning
1 INT 66% comp + 873 yds
4.Matt Schaub
76% comp and HOU: is 2-1
5.Ben Rothlesberger
TD/INT ratio 6:1 29 comp for 1st down.
NFC:
1.Bret Farve
His teams 3-0 and his TD/INT ratio is 6:2
2.Tony Romo
TR: TD/INT: 8:2 and 15 plays +20 yards
3.Jon Kitna
980 yds and 68% comp
4.Donovan McNabb
158.3 QB Rating in week 3... that's perfect
5.Jeff Garcia
66% comp 0 INT and TB is 2-1.
My top 5 Running Backs through 3 weeks-
AFC:
1.Lamont Jordan
5.1 yds/carry 18 runs for a 1st + 116 yd/gm
2.Willie Parker
leads NFL in yards (368) and has 5.0 avg.
3.Jamal Lewis
5.8 yds a carry and 307 yds, mostly against CIN.
4.Travis Henry
302 yds. 5.0 yds/carry and 9 kids
5.Joseph Addai
271 yds, 15 rushes for 1st and 4 TDs
NFC:
1.Brian Westbrook
5.7 yds/carry and 1/3 of his carries go for a 1st down.
2.Shaun Alexander
91 yds/gm, 2 TDs and 275 yds.
3.Marion Barber III
256 yds, 6.4 avg, 4TDs
4.Adrian Peterson
AllDay had 16 rushes for 1st downs and 271 yds.
5.Edgerrin James
2 TDs and 277 yds.
E-Mail: LASportsblog@gmail.com
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Monday, September 24, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
My Eye's On The NFL... And It's Writers
This is absurd, not just a little absurd, but completely and utterly ridiculous even by my low and half-baked standards. Basically i look forward to reading two things on Tuesday's: 1. The UEFA Champions League Previews on SI.com and 2. Gregg Easterbrook's Tuesday Morning Quarterback. People have their varying thoughts on Easterbrook and the rest of the Page 2 staff at ESPN, a section once reserved for the opinions of award-winning writer Hunter S. Thompson, now a bastardized shell of it's original self that features such writing heavy hitters as Bill Simmons and DJ Gallo. I'm not saying I have a problem with either Simmons or Gallo because I enjoy reading them from time to time but you can't hold them and Scoop Jackson in the same light you would Mr. Thompson. Anyway here we are on Tuesday afternoon and I finally have a subject to move me away from writing a 2000 word sequel to OJ's "I Did It, Here's How It Happened" regarding Mike Shanahan.
Gregg Easterbrook set out to put us through one of his weekly 4000 articles regarding everything NFL from the previous weekend, this weekend he failed so bad I almost wanted to stop reading his work altogether. I have previously loved reading Easterbrook's common sense take on how the NFL should run and how coaches call games, partly because his ideas give validity to how I coach and play in NCAA Football and Madden '08. But this week he decided to stick it to me and the rest of his readers with a 1600 word rant on the auto industry and fuel economy... I'll take a page out of Easterbrook's book and repeat myself because I don't believe you have the mental capacity to go back in the paragraph and read what I just wrote 50 words ago; this week he decided to stick it to me and the rest of his readers with a 1600 work rant on the auto industry and FUEL ECONOMY! The Browns beat the Bengals... the Browns beat anyone, moreover they won a 51-45 shootout in which DEREK ANDERSON threw for 5 touchdowns and Easterbrook waste 1600 words in a football article on fuel economy. I don't even understand why he bothered to include it in the article, it had no football lead-in or anything, it's just dropped into the middle of the article. 1600 words on fuel economy between 400 words on the NE/SD game and only 100 words on the Raiders/Broncos debacle at the end of their game that lead to the NFL again basically telling Oakland "sorry, we know the rule is horrible and has no place in the book, but we're too incompetent to do anything about it and we we're also hoping you would be the victim before we are forced to change the rule." I won't get any further into the DEN/OAK game expect to say that Oakland is not only the best 0-2 team in the NFL, from their performance in Denver on Sunday, they look like the only 0-2 team who might still have an outside shot at the playoffs. A couple of 0-2 teams each year find a way to turn it around and make the playoffs, why not Oakland? It all comes down to this Gregg, I think your a level-headed and intelligent American with plenty of good ideas in your head, spending almost half of your weekly football article to make a political statement against the American Auto Industry wasn't one of those good ideas, and now the only thing I look forward to reading on Tuesdays is the UEFA Champions League Preview.
While I'm on the idea of ESPN's Page 2 Jemele Hill has done something that had to be done, she just did a poor job of doing it. Hill took on the task of writing the "reserve judgement on OJ's latest arrest" article and for lack of a better word, murdered it. Jemele spends the entire article asking the reader to go easy on her for what she's writing and reminding everyone that she isn't supporting or defending Orenthal James instead of doing her job by presenting the reasons for why we should reserve our judgement. She even goes on to list off different things that look like Orenthal James might be getting rail-roaded by Las Vegas Metro Police, going so far as to bring the argument: "Realize this is the same police department that still can't find out who murdered Tupac, WHO WAS KILLED RIGHT OFF THE STRIP." How disgraceful for Jemele to use the Tupac incident to discredit LVMPD in a case against Orenthal James Simpson, as a black man in America I'm completely disgusted by this, as a young black man in America, I'm ashamed by Jemele. She claims that she isn't defending Orenthal James, she claims that she is just trying to give him a level playing field in the public court of opinion. Yet 1 of her 4 signs of the situation sounding like a set-up is that LVMPD couldn't find Tupac's killer, therefore they have to be rail-roading OJ. (to think anyone in a position of power was looking for the killer of my generation's most influential voice in black culture is to live in a dream land anyway) Orenthal James Simpson was only acquitted of double homicide in Los Angeles because he was on trial in a city fresh off race riots and the acquittal of the officers who beat Rodney King. If those acquittals don't happen, as well as the riots or if OJ is on trial in another city he goes away for life; OJs acquittal was the apparent "eye for an eye" in the LA justice system. Orenthal James Simpson is a man who is a lifelong criminal who has used his celebrity to avoid convictions on Road Rage, Domestic Violence, Stolen Cable and Double Homicide, I hope the buck stops at Armed Robbery, and I suggest a sentence of 32 years if convicted.
On a lighter note instead of Peter King's "Ten Things I Think I Think" I provide you with "5 Talking Points I know I know" mostly because I'm cynical, opinionated and think you might possibly give half a damn about what I believe; but also partly because knowing things is more decisive, even if u don't.
1. I know that Derek Anderson is not for real: It's much more likely that Cincinnati's defense is really that bad and no one really realized it. Ponder this:
Derek Anderson's Career Passer Rating Through 5 games in 2006: 63.1
Derek Anderson's Passer Rating in 2007 Through 2 games: 101.3
I don't think Derek Anderson will drop 40 rating points in 3 games, but I do think he will drop about 25 points, he's always looked like a 75.0 passer rating guy, a career back-up. So before he get crowned and the trade rumors start over Brady Quinn, just know that Anderson isn't a sure thing.
2. I know Mike Shanahan is the Anti-Christ: this is no explanation of this one... I just know it.
3. I know Roger Goodell sent a message on Football Night in America and that message was "I'm more interesting then Olbermann": Goodell told me three things with his interview on Sunday night: 'those who cheat in my NFL will face harsh consequences', 'if you try to weasel outta punishment for cheating then I'll do unthinkable things to your franchise' and 'interviewing Me during halftime each Sunday would be far more interesting than anything Keith Olbermann could possibly do, so cut your losses NBC and just quit the "worst person in the NFL" segment before Olbermann ends up as the 2nd part of my "I did it, here's how it happened" book about Shanahan.
4. I know San Diego won't make it pass the 2nd round of the playoffs: I only offer you this piece of information for my argument: Re-watch the SD/NE game and the first quarter and a half shows not only how poorly Norv Turner and his staff prepared his team for a New England team with something to prove at home, but how they were unable to make adjustments to the defense and passing game to counter-act the New England game plan. Hear me now, loud and clear Alex Gillis and Dave Liu, Norv Turner will never win a Super Bowl, and your teams talent can't overcome Turner's incompetence as a head coach.
5. I know that I forgot to wish Alex Gillis happy birthday on Sunday and that makes me a bad friend: I was so busy bitching about the Oakland game Sunday afternoon I forgot to say happy birthday when I called him... I called him and forgot to say it, it makes me a bad friend and a real jackass. So Gillis I hope your girlfriend took care of you since youf Friend and football team let you down. All you kids out there, don't be a douche-bag friend, call your friends on their birthday, and actually wish them happy birthday.
Gregg Easterbrook set out to put us through one of his weekly 4000 articles regarding everything NFL from the previous weekend, this weekend he failed so bad I almost wanted to stop reading his work altogether. I have previously loved reading Easterbrook's common sense take on how the NFL should run and how coaches call games, partly because his ideas give validity to how I coach and play in NCAA Football and Madden '08. But this week he decided to stick it to me and the rest of his readers with a 1600 word rant on the auto industry and fuel economy... I'll take a page out of Easterbrook's book and repeat myself because I don't believe you have the mental capacity to go back in the paragraph and read what I just wrote 50 words ago; this week he decided to stick it to me and the rest of his readers with a 1600 work rant on the auto industry and FUEL ECONOMY! The Browns beat the Bengals... the Browns beat anyone, moreover they won a 51-45 shootout in which DEREK ANDERSON threw for 5 touchdowns and Easterbrook waste 1600 words in a football article on fuel economy. I don't even understand why he bothered to include it in the article, it had no football lead-in or anything, it's just dropped into the middle of the article. 1600 words on fuel economy between 400 words on the NE/SD game and only 100 words on the Raiders/Broncos debacle at the end of their game that lead to the NFL again basically telling Oakland "sorry, we know the rule is horrible and has no place in the book, but we're too incompetent to do anything about it and we we're also hoping you would be the victim before we are forced to change the rule." I won't get any further into the DEN/OAK game expect to say that Oakland is not only the best 0-2 team in the NFL, from their performance in Denver on Sunday, they look like the only 0-2 team who might still have an outside shot at the playoffs. A couple of 0-2 teams each year find a way to turn it around and make the playoffs, why not Oakland? It all comes down to this Gregg, I think your a level-headed and intelligent American with plenty of good ideas in your head, spending almost half of your weekly football article to make a political statement against the American Auto Industry wasn't one of those good ideas, and now the only thing I look forward to reading on Tuesdays is the UEFA Champions League Preview.
While I'm on the idea of ESPN's Page 2 Jemele Hill has done something that had to be done, she just did a poor job of doing it. Hill took on the task of writing the "reserve judgement on OJ's latest arrest" article and for lack of a better word, murdered it. Jemele spends the entire article asking the reader to go easy on her for what she's writing and reminding everyone that she isn't supporting or defending Orenthal James instead of doing her job by presenting the reasons for why we should reserve our judgement. She even goes on to list off different things that look like Orenthal James might be getting rail-roaded by Las Vegas Metro Police, going so far as to bring the argument: "Realize this is the same police department that still can't find out who murdered Tupac, WHO WAS KILLED RIGHT OFF THE STRIP." How disgraceful for Jemele to use the Tupac incident to discredit LVMPD in a case against Orenthal James Simpson, as a black man in America I'm completely disgusted by this, as a young black man in America, I'm ashamed by Jemele. She claims that she isn't defending Orenthal James, she claims that she is just trying to give him a level playing field in the public court of opinion. Yet 1 of her 4 signs of the situation sounding like a set-up is that LVMPD couldn't find Tupac's killer, therefore they have to be rail-roading OJ. (to think anyone in a position of power was looking for the killer of my generation's most influential voice in black culture is to live in a dream land anyway) Orenthal James Simpson was only acquitted of double homicide in Los Angeles because he was on trial in a city fresh off race riots and the acquittal of the officers who beat Rodney King. If those acquittals don't happen, as well as the riots or if OJ is on trial in another city he goes away for life; OJs acquittal was the apparent "eye for an eye" in the LA justice system. Orenthal James Simpson is a man who is a lifelong criminal who has used his celebrity to avoid convictions on Road Rage, Domestic Violence, Stolen Cable and Double Homicide, I hope the buck stops at Armed Robbery, and I suggest a sentence of 32 years if convicted.
On a lighter note instead of Peter King's "Ten Things I Think I Think" I provide you with "5 Talking Points I know I know" mostly because I'm cynical, opinionated and think you might possibly give half a damn about what I believe; but also partly because knowing things is more decisive, even if u don't.
1. I know that Derek Anderson is not for real: It's much more likely that Cincinnati's defense is really that bad and no one really realized it. Ponder this:
Derek Anderson's Career Passer Rating Through 5 games in 2006: 63.1
Derek Anderson's Passer Rating in 2007 Through 2 games: 101.3
I don't think Derek Anderson will drop 40 rating points in 3 games, but I do think he will drop about 25 points, he's always looked like a 75.0 passer rating guy, a career back-up. So before he get crowned and the trade rumors start over Brady Quinn, just know that Anderson isn't a sure thing.
2. I know Mike Shanahan is the Anti-Christ: this is no explanation of this one... I just know it.
3. I know Roger Goodell sent a message on Football Night in America and that message was "I'm more interesting then Olbermann": Goodell told me three things with his interview on Sunday night: 'those who cheat in my NFL will face harsh consequences', 'if you try to weasel outta punishment for cheating then I'll do unthinkable things to your franchise' and 'interviewing Me during halftime each Sunday would be far more interesting than anything Keith Olbermann could possibly do, so cut your losses NBC and just quit the "worst person in the NFL" segment before Olbermann ends up as the 2nd part of my "I did it, here's how it happened" book about Shanahan.
4. I know San Diego won't make it pass the 2nd round of the playoffs: I only offer you this piece of information for my argument: Re-watch the SD/NE game and the first quarter and a half shows not only how poorly Norv Turner and his staff prepared his team for a New England team with something to prove at home, but how they were unable to make adjustments to the defense and passing game to counter-act the New England game plan. Hear me now, loud and clear Alex Gillis and Dave Liu, Norv Turner will never win a Super Bowl, and your teams talent can't overcome Turner's incompetence as a head coach.
5. I know that I forgot to wish Alex Gillis happy birthday on Sunday and that makes me a bad friend: I was so busy bitching about the Oakland game Sunday afternoon I forgot to say happy birthday when I called him... I called him and forgot to say it, it makes me a bad friend and a real jackass. So Gillis I hope your girlfriend took care of you since youf Friend and football team let you down. All you kids out there, don't be a douche-bag friend, call your friends on their birthday, and actually wish them happy birthday.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Football Fanatical
By: Nate Gordon
During the 2006 NFL season I made 4 mistakes:
1. I drafted Dom Davis in the first round of my fantasy league draft. (The next day he tore his ACL in practice missing the whole season.)
2.I drafted Clinton Portis in the second round of fantasy league draft. (He separated his shoulder making a killer tackle on an interception, in the first series of preseason.)
3. I forgot how bad Art Shell's clock management skills were from childhood. (Simmons wouldn't let me forget during this season though.)
4. I rationalized Aaron Brooks as my starting quarterback. (Insert joke here)
Each of these mistakes screwed me one by one. I finished 7th in my fantasy league last year after starting like 5-2 in a 14 game season while simultaneously learning to hate everything about LaDell Betts from the way he ran the ball to his first name. Seriously if he wasn't black his name would be Dell Betts and how horrible is that? Art Shell's loyalty to his coaching staff a la 1988 left the Raiders with an offense so embarrassing even Kansas City's defense was laughing at us; of course they were only laughing and not doing they're job because Herm Edwards did a terrible job preparing the team, a terrible job. (I just found out that Herm has been doing such a terrible job preparing the team because he is busy directing Children's Fashion Shows for NFL Apparel - do I need to go further with this?) And Aaron Brooks, well unsigned JaMaracus Russell currently owns his number 2 jersey. Basically I'm still trying to kill the brain cells that remember the entire year of 2006, I'd like the promptly flush it down the shitter. A 3-day weekend at Keith Richards house should provide enough blow to do the trick.
Since I've now forgotten 2006 I can't speak about it anymore, so I'll fast forward to this morning. I was sluggish waking up since it was 6 AM on a Sunday... yes I said 6 AM. I stumbled to the car much like a drunk would later at a stop light to ask for change, it was cold so I had my windows rolled up and couldn't be bothered. Some of you will think that was heartless of me, but you know what.... if Keyshawn Johnson and Bill Parcelles were on your radio together on NFL Opening Sunday, you wouldn't be bothered either, so I don't wanna hear it. I find it enjoyable to hear what Key and Tuna have to say, I mean who wouldn't considering neither of them have shut the hell up since 1996 when they first met up. I'm mostly happy to hear Tuna on the radio cause that means I don't have to see he's old man boobs in those horrid form fitting coaches polo's on Sundays. I was finally starting to get excited about football again. I was getting so excited to see the Raiders play in a real game again that I wasn't even sleepy when I got to work. The thought of getting home to see the Raiders/Lions game in the afternoon was more then enough.
When I got home this afternoon at 1:10 I was excited to still see Jim Brown's increasing receding hairline and Dan Marino's constant look of being uncomfortable. They were making fairly obvious observations and given very little true analytical information but I could care less, it's week 1 and more importantly I missed the morning games and they're filling me in. Adrian Peterson looks like an absolute animal, ignore the 4.3 speed and killer footwork, this kid is strong, and as Jeff said to me S-T-R-O-N-G!!! AD would of been the mornings most impressive player for my money if it weren't for New England lighting up the J-E-T-S like they were L-O-S-E-R-S. Then Jim Brown said the one thing that ruined my day "Thanks for watching, up next US Open Tennis." What!?!?! CBS isn't carrying the game and I'm in a local market? This is bad, that means that Fox is carrying the game and (like the douche bags they are) they're showing the LA Market San Diego/Chicago because it's a higher profile NFC game. CBS always shows LA the Raiders as the regional team.... this is overwhelmingly depressing, so i found the expensive smoking lamp and turned on the computer to get the stream online. It's just not the same, I hit up Jeff who is in Santa Barbara to see what Fox is showing there. "We have the Raider game man." That's all I needed to hear, an hour away my team is on TV, in the city I was working in this morning. I had contemplated during work going to where Jeff was to watch the game but then decided that because they're Charger fans there I would go home and watch. Here I am at home, watching the damn Chargers...
So here we are now at halftime where Terry Bradshaw informs me that Oakland was the upset pick of the week, thanks for jinxing my already doomed team Terry. For Christ sake a hall of fame Raider in Howie Long is sitting right there and he let the team get jinxed on National TV by the guy in the freaking Supercuts commercials; no doubt he actively participated in the jinx. After missing three field goals the Raiders lost 36-21 but only needed to not turn the ball over in the 4th quarter to claim victory when leading 21-20. Oakland claim victory? Al Davis will claim Social Security worked with the NFL in conspiracy to keep him from winning bingo on Tuesdays faster. It is so depressing to be an Oakland Raider fan these days; where is that expensive smoking lamp?
e-mail: LASportsblog@gmail.com
During the 2006 NFL season I made 4 mistakes:
1. I drafted Dom Davis in the first round of my fantasy league draft. (The next day he tore his ACL in practice missing the whole season.)
2.I drafted Clinton Portis in the second round of fantasy league draft. (He separated his shoulder making a killer tackle on an interception, in the first series of preseason.)
3. I forgot how bad Art Shell's clock management skills were from childhood. (Simmons wouldn't let me forget during this season though.)
4. I rationalized Aaron Brooks as my starting quarterback. (Insert joke here)
Each of these mistakes screwed me one by one. I finished 7th in my fantasy league last year after starting like 5-2 in a 14 game season while simultaneously learning to hate everything about LaDell Betts from the way he ran the ball to his first name. Seriously if he wasn't black his name would be Dell Betts and how horrible is that? Art Shell's loyalty to his coaching staff a la 1988 left the Raiders with an offense so embarrassing even Kansas City's defense was laughing at us; of course they were only laughing and not doing they're job because Herm Edwards did a terrible job preparing the team, a terrible job. (I just found out that Herm has been doing such a terrible job preparing the team because he is busy directing Children's Fashion Shows for NFL Apparel - do I need to go further with this?) And Aaron Brooks, well unsigned JaMaracus Russell currently owns his number 2 jersey. Basically I'm still trying to kill the brain cells that remember the entire year of 2006, I'd like the promptly flush it down the shitter. A 3-day weekend at Keith Richards house should provide enough blow to do the trick.
Since I've now forgotten 2006 I can't speak about it anymore, so I'll fast forward to this morning. I was sluggish waking up since it was 6 AM on a Sunday... yes I said 6 AM. I stumbled to the car much like a drunk would later at a stop light to ask for change, it was cold so I had my windows rolled up and couldn't be bothered. Some of you will think that was heartless of me, but you know what.... if Keyshawn Johnson and Bill Parcelles were on your radio together on NFL Opening Sunday, you wouldn't be bothered either, so I don't wanna hear it. I find it enjoyable to hear what Key and Tuna have to say, I mean who wouldn't considering neither of them have shut the hell up since 1996 when they first met up. I'm mostly happy to hear Tuna on the radio cause that means I don't have to see he's old man boobs in those horrid form fitting coaches polo's on Sundays. I was finally starting to get excited about football again. I was getting so excited to see the Raiders play in a real game again that I wasn't even sleepy when I got to work. The thought of getting home to see the Raiders/Lions game in the afternoon was more then enough.
When I got home this afternoon at 1:10 I was excited to still see Jim Brown's increasing receding hairline and Dan Marino's constant look of being uncomfortable. They were making fairly obvious observations and given very little true analytical information but I could care less, it's week 1 and more importantly I missed the morning games and they're filling me in. Adrian Peterson looks like an absolute animal, ignore the 4.3 speed and killer footwork, this kid is strong, and as Jeff said to me S-T-R-O-N-G!!! AD would of been the mornings most impressive player for my money if it weren't for New England lighting up the J-E-T-S like they were L-O-S-E-R-S. Then Jim Brown said the one thing that ruined my day "Thanks for watching, up next US Open Tennis." What!?!?! CBS isn't carrying the game and I'm in a local market? This is bad, that means that Fox is carrying the game and (like the douche bags they are) they're showing the LA Market San Diego/Chicago because it's a higher profile NFC game. CBS always shows LA the Raiders as the regional team.... this is overwhelmingly depressing, so i found the expensive smoking lamp and turned on the computer to get the stream online. It's just not the same, I hit up Jeff who is in Santa Barbara to see what Fox is showing there. "We have the Raider game man." That's all I needed to hear, an hour away my team is on TV, in the city I was working in this morning. I had contemplated during work going to where Jeff was to watch the game but then decided that because they're Charger fans there I would go home and watch. Here I am at home, watching the damn Chargers...
So here we are now at halftime where Terry Bradshaw informs me that Oakland was the upset pick of the week, thanks for jinxing my already doomed team Terry. For Christ sake a hall of fame Raider in Howie Long is sitting right there and he let the team get jinxed on National TV by the guy in the freaking Supercuts commercials; no doubt he actively participated in the jinx. After missing three field goals the Raiders lost 36-21 but only needed to not turn the ball over in the 4th quarter to claim victory when leading 21-20. Oakland claim victory? Al Davis will claim Social Security worked with the NFL in conspiracy to keep him from winning bingo on Tuesdays faster. It is so depressing to be an Oakland Raider fan these days; where is that expensive smoking lamp?
e-mail: LASportsblog@gmail.com
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Choose, Los Angeles
By: Nathaniel Gordon - E-Mail: LASportsblog@gmail.com
This is pretty much a total piss take so fellow Angelenos laugh along, outsiders continue to laugh at us.
Choose Los Angeles
Choose Jack Nicholson sitting courtside
Choose sitting in traffic longer then you sit in your seat
Choose Fox as the owner of your baseball team
Choose to be sellers at the trade deadline when your contenders
Choose to have Brooklyn still hate your guts
Choose to be so cool that Anahiem losses it's baseball team to you
Choose to be so cocky that you refuse to acknoledege the Angels
Choose to be so cocky that you cut someone off on the freeway, and then flip them off
Choose to listen to World Soccer Daily
Choose to follow coke'd up socialites
Choose to completely ignore that 70% of your city lives in poverty
Choose to give Tom Arnold air time
Choose to renew the Best Damn Sports Show Period
Choose Earl Van Wright
Choose to use Your Cilppers tickets 2 times a year to see the Lakers
Choose to wear away team jerseys at Clipper games
Choose to ask who are Chivas USA
Choose to care more about Victoria then David Beckham
Choose traffic
Choose to work for TMZ.com just to get close to Kobe Bryant
Choose to pretend like you don't care when JD Drew doesn't show up
Choose to pretend you don't care when the Angeles win the World Series
Choose jim buss
Choose girls who's implants are bigger then their brains
Choose guy on guy public displays of affection at Kings Games
Choose Trojan... and the Trojans
Choose John Wooden as someone still worth bragging about
Choose Slow Speed Chases
Choose aquitting OJ Simpson
Choose rioting after the Lakers win the Championship
Choose to go on and on about Kurt Gibson
Choose to ignore the homeless
Choose to ignore illegal immigration
Choose to give Jim Rome a radio show... AND a TV show (why oh why god?)
Choose to have a Laker owner who cares more about Poker then Basketball
Choose to have a Clipper owner who can't choose between profit and losing
Choose Dave O'Brian announcing Soccer Matches
Choose to ignore the San Diego Chargers
Choose to ignore Mad TV
Choose to miss Chick Hearn
Choose a scandalous mayor
Choose a place where apperances are everything
Choose Kramer screaming Nigger at black people in this day and age
Choose Seinfield being a Kramer apologist
Choost the LAPD
Choose to be opptimistic about 45-39 regular seasons
Choose Kwame Brown over Cauron Butler
Choose Ruben Patterson
Choose Los Angeles
This is pretty much a total piss take so fellow Angelenos laugh along, outsiders continue to laugh at us.
Choose Los Angeles
Choose Jack Nicholson sitting courtside
Choose sitting in traffic longer then you sit in your seat
Choose Fox as the owner of your baseball team
Choose to be sellers at the trade deadline when your contenders
Choose to have Brooklyn still hate your guts
Choose to be so cool that Anahiem losses it's baseball team to you
Choose to be so cocky that you refuse to acknoledege the Angels
Choose to be so cocky that you cut someone off on the freeway, and then flip them off
Choose to listen to World Soccer Daily
Choose to follow coke'd up socialites
Choose to completely ignore that 70% of your city lives in poverty
Choose to give Tom Arnold air time
Choose to renew the Best Damn Sports Show Period
Choose Earl Van Wright
Choose to use Your Cilppers tickets 2 times a year to see the Lakers
Choose to wear away team jerseys at Clipper games
Choose to ask who are Chivas USA
Choose to care more about Victoria then David Beckham
Choose traffic
Choose to work for TMZ.com just to get close to Kobe Bryant
Choose to pretend like you don't care when JD Drew doesn't show up
Choose to pretend you don't care when the Angeles win the World Series
Choose jim buss
Choose girls who's implants are bigger then their brains
Choose guy on guy public displays of affection at Kings Games
Choose Trojan... and the Trojans
Choose John Wooden as someone still worth bragging about
Choose Slow Speed Chases
Choose aquitting OJ Simpson
Choose rioting after the Lakers win the Championship
Choose to go on and on about Kurt Gibson
Choose to ignore the homeless
Choose to ignore illegal immigration
Choose to give Jim Rome a radio show... AND a TV show (why oh why god?)
Choose to have a Laker owner who cares more about Poker then Basketball
Choose to have a Clipper owner who can't choose between profit and losing
Choose Dave O'Brian announcing Soccer Matches
Choose to ignore the San Diego Chargers
Choose to ignore Mad TV
Choose to miss Chick Hearn
Choose a scandalous mayor
Choose a place where apperances are everything
Choose Kramer screaming Nigger at black people in this day and age
Choose Seinfield being a Kramer apologist
Choost the LAPD
Choose to be opptimistic about 45-39 regular seasons
Choose Kwame Brown over Cauron Butler
Choose Ruben Patterson
Choose Los Angeles
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Chick Hern: The Gift And The Curse
By: Jeff Girouard
E- Mail: LASportsblog@gmail.com
What Happened? Its early 2002... Britney is still attractive, the underdog Pats just foiled the “Greatest Show on Turf” in Super Bowl XXXVI, Lindsey Lohan is doing Disney Movies instead of blow, the “Shaw-Shaq Redemption” is in full effect and the Lakers appear poised to capture their third straight championship.
Until ‘02, Chick Hearn was the only play-by play announcer in L.A. Laker history. His staccato delivery kept radio listeners and television viewers entertained and informed for more than 42 seasons. He called all 9 Los Angeles Laker championships and didn’t miss a day of work in 3,338 consecutive games. So when he put a game “in the refrigerator” you knew it was a wrap. Since his death the Lakers have fallen from grace. When the voice of your franchise, a man who invented terms like “slam dunk” and “air-ball” (seriously), passes, does that championship magic leave with him?
January, 2002: Chick’s consecutive game streak ends at 3,338 games, after heart surgery. I remember spending all 17 games of his hiatus wondering, how (with the wealth of on-air talent in Los Angeles) the Lakers could decide Paul Sunderland was the most viable backup.
June 12, 2002: The Lakers sweep The New Jersey Nets in four games and capture a third straight championship. This would be Chick’s final broadcast.
2002-2003: Paul Sunderland takes over the Laker play-by-play duties permanently.
May 15, 2003: The Lakers are downed in six games by the eventual champion Spurs. The supreme lack of depth doomed the team from the outset. Nate has since reminded me of Big Shot Bob’s complete no show in the series (an ice cold 3-38 in the ‘02 post season from the land of 3). Horry had reluctantly become the teams third option which further underscored the team’s weak supporting cast (think names like Tracy Murray, Mark Madsen, and Slava Medvedenko).
Summer 2003: The Lakers sign Karl Malone and Gary Payton...
I find out there is a place called Eagle County, Colorado and Kobe is arrested on sexual assault charges...
Robert Horry leaves the Lakers and signs with the Spurs.
October 2003: The Lakers drop the radio-television simulcast. Sorry Paul but when your staple phrase is a raspy “What did I just see!?!,” you’re style just does not translate to radio. Granted he faced the nearly impossible task of replacing a broadcast legend, but his ambiguous language undoubtedly frustrated Laker fans stuck in commuter traffic.
2003-2004: Karl Malone misses 39 regular season games after suffering a devastating knee injury, still the Lakers finish with the conference’s second best record.
May 13, 2004: .4 This celebration is the only redeemable memory from that season. Karl Malone’s Dion Sanders-esque high-step down the court could only have been outdone if Ho Grant had broke out the goggles and the running-man.
June 15, 2004: The star-crossed Lakers could not overcome injuries to Derek Fisher and Karl Malone and fall to the Pistons in 5 games. This is where the proverbial shit hits the fan.
Summer 2004: Phil drops the Last Season in which he chronicles the frustrations of managing a team with hall-of-fame talent and no identity. He leaves the organization “at peace with the situation.” I think I’d be pretty ok with things too if I was at the tail end of my $50 million contract and still had the boss’s daughter on my... arm.
Shaquille O’Neal is traded to the Miami Heat for Lamar, Caron Butler and Brian Grant...
Los Angeles takes a collective sigh of relief as Laker brass signs Kobe to a max deal...
2004-2005: Rudy T resigns as Head Coach after 41 games siting health concerns. Assistant Frank Hamblin takes over and the team stumbles to a 34-48 record. The Lakers would miss the playoffs for the first time in over 10 years.
June 15, 2005: Phil Jackson returns to the team.
Summer 2005: Mitch Kupchak trades Caron Butler, the most valuable (dollar-for-dollar) player in the Shaquille O’Neal deal, to the Wizards for Kwame Brown. Caron Butler has since become an All-Star in Washington and Kwame still fumbles entry passes out of bounds. Every sure dunk Kwame tries to finesse wildly off the glass is like smoking a cigarette it takes 7 minutes off of Phil
Jackson’s life. The man is basically defying science at this point.
jimmy Buss strains his rotator cuff patting himself on the back after “discovering” Andrew Bynum...
Paul Sunderland’s television contract is not renewed. Some blame the ratings dip, while others point to his awkwardly rigid style either way his transition to Sparks telecasts... seamless.
Vlade Divac retires and Brian Grant gets Allan Houston-ed. OK. Combined: 15 starts, 6.1 ppg, 5.8 rpg, and a $17 million cap hit. Oh but the emotional callus I’ve developed to every failed signing and underwhelming draft choice since...priceless.
2005-2006: Andrew Bynum v. Shaq becomes an instant youtube classic. It is a bigger, more violent incarnation of the epic Iverson v. Jordan matchup in ‘96.
April 30, 2006: This validates watching 2 full seasons of less than stellar basketball.
May 4, 2006: Game 6. Tim Thomas. Let me get this straight...Before being waived by Chicago two months into the 05-06 season he can’t find playing time behind guys like Michael Sweetney and Malik Allen and by April he’s Larry Bird? In Phoenix’s 4 wins Thomas shoots a sobering 55.8% from the field and 44% (7-16) from 3.The man had dollar signs in his eyes and like all good curses, you need that one player, a player whose entire career can be defined in one singular act of pro sports cock block. Game 6. Tim Thomas.
Now here we are... Its 2007, the franchise is reeling from yet another Suns’ flogging, the owner’s DUI, and Kobe’s hot-cold trade demand. The bottom line is whether by curse, chance or circumstance they haven’t won a thing since Chick passed and the Lakers are now a .500 season away from losing the best player on the planet. And if the team wasn’t cursed before...
E- Mail: LASportsblog@gmail.com
What Happened? Its early 2002... Britney is still attractive, the underdog Pats just foiled the “Greatest Show on Turf” in Super Bowl XXXVI, Lindsey Lohan is doing Disney Movies instead of blow, the “Shaw-Shaq Redemption” is in full effect and the Lakers appear poised to capture their third straight championship.
Until ‘02, Chick Hearn was the only play-by play announcer in L.A. Laker history. His staccato delivery kept radio listeners and television viewers entertained and informed for more than 42 seasons. He called all 9 Los Angeles Laker championships and didn’t miss a day of work in 3,338 consecutive games. So when he put a game “in the refrigerator” you knew it was a wrap. Since his death the Lakers have fallen from grace. When the voice of your franchise, a man who invented terms like “slam dunk” and “air-ball” (seriously), passes, does that championship magic leave with him?
January, 2002: Chick’s consecutive game streak ends at 3,338 games, after heart surgery. I remember spending all 17 games of his hiatus wondering, how (with the wealth of on-air talent in Los Angeles) the Lakers could decide Paul Sunderland was the most viable backup.
June 12, 2002: The Lakers sweep The New Jersey Nets in four games and capture a third straight championship. This would be Chick’s final broadcast.
2002-2003: Paul Sunderland takes over the Laker play-by-play duties permanently.
May 15, 2003: The Lakers are downed in six games by the eventual champion Spurs. The supreme lack of depth doomed the team from the outset. Nate has since reminded me of Big Shot Bob’s complete no show in the series (an ice cold 3-38 in the ‘02 post season from the land of 3). Horry had reluctantly become the teams third option which further underscored the team’s weak supporting cast (think names like Tracy Murray, Mark Madsen, and Slava Medvedenko).
Summer 2003: The Lakers sign Karl Malone and Gary Payton...
I find out there is a place called Eagle County, Colorado and Kobe is arrested on sexual assault charges...
Robert Horry leaves the Lakers and signs with the Spurs.
October 2003: The Lakers drop the radio-television simulcast. Sorry Paul but when your staple phrase is a raspy “What did I just see!?!,” you’re style just does not translate to radio. Granted he faced the nearly impossible task of replacing a broadcast legend, but his ambiguous language undoubtedly frustrated Laker fans stuck in commuter traffic.
2003-2004: Karl Malone misses 39 regular season games after suffering a devastating knee injury, still the Lakers finish with the conference’s second best record.
May 13, 2004: .4 This celebration is the only redeemable memory from that season. Karl Malone’s Dion Sanders-esque high-step down the court could only have been outdone if Ho Grant had broke out the goggles and the running-man.
June 15, 2004: The star-crossed Lakers could not overcome injuries to Derek Fisher and Karl Malone and fall to the Pistons in 5 games. This is where the proverbial shit hits the fan.
Summer 2004: Phil drops the Last Season in which he chronicles the frustrations of managing a team with hall-of-fame talent and no identity. He leaves the organization “at peace with the situation.” I think I’d be pretty ok with things too if I was at the tail end of my $50 million contract and still had the boss’s daughter on my... arm.
Shaquille O’Neal is traded to the Miami Heat for Lamar, Caron Butler and Brian Grant...
Los Angeles takes a collective sigh of relief as Laker brass signs Kobe to a max deal...
2004-2005: Rudy T resigns as Head Coach after 41 games siting health concerns. Assistant Frank Hamblin takes over and the team stumbles to a 34-48 record. The Lakers would miss the playoffs for the first time in over 10 years.
June 15, 2005: Phil Jackson returns to the team.
Summer 2005: Mitch Kupchak trades Caron Butler, the most valuable (dollar-for-dollar) player in the Shaquille O’Neal deal, to the Wizards for Kwame Brown. Caron Butler has since become an All-Star in Washington and Kwame still fumbles entry passes out of bounds. Every sure dunk Kwame tries to finesse wildly off the glass is like smoking a cigarette it takes 7 minutes off of Phil
Jackson’s life. The man is basically defying science at this point.
jimmy Buss strains his rotator cuff patting himself on the back after “discovering” Andrew Bynum...
Paul Sunderland’s television contract is not renewed. Some blame the ratings dip, while others point to his awkwardly rigid style either way his transition to Sparks telecasts... seamless.
Vlade Divac retires and Brian Grant gets Allan Houston-ed. OK. Combined: 15 starts, 6.1 ppg, 5.8 rpg, and a $17 million cap hit. Oh but the emotional callus I’ve developed to every failed signing and underwhelming draft choice since...priceless.
2005-2006: Andrew Bynum v. Shaq becomes an instant youtube classic. It is a bigger, more violent incarnation of the epic Iverson v. Jordan matchup in ‘96.
April 30, 2006: This validates watching 2 full seasons of less than stellar basketball.
May 4, 2006: Game 6. Tim Thomas. Let me get this straight...Before being waived by Chicago two months into the 05-06 season he can’t find playing time behind guys like Michael Sweetney and Malik Allen and by April he’s Larry Bird? In Phoenix’s 4 wins Thomas shoots a sobering 55.8% from the field and 44% (7-16) from 3.The man had dollar signs in his eyes and like all good curses, you need that one player, a player whose entire career can be defined in one singular act of pro sports cock block. Game 6. Tim Thomas.
Now here we are... Its 2007, the franchise is reeling from yet another Suns’ flogging, the owner’s DUI, and Kobe’s hot-cold trade demand. The bottom line is whether by curse, chance or circumstance they haven’t won a thing since Chick passed and the Lakers are now a .500 season away from losing the best player on the planet. And if the team wasn’t cursed before...
Saturday, August 18, 2007
There's NO Bitching In Sports
Credit: LASportsblog.bravehost.com
(EDITOR'S NOTE: The writer is in no way trying to be offensive or insulting to females. He is using the menstrual process and it's effects on some women as an example of what sports fans are current acting like on a consistent basis, not just 5-7 days a month.)
By: Nathaniel Gordon e-mail : LASportsblog@gmail.com
There is no bitching in sports, no exceptions. You might complain about the field quality or appeal to a referee or umpire about a bad call, but you never bitch about it. When you bitch about a call in Basketball you get a technical foul and in baseball you get thrown out of the game. In football bitching will cost you 15 yards, in hockey you might get 2 minutes in the penalty box or a yellow card in Soccer/World Football. Basically you are punished if you let a complaint spiral into a whiny bitch fest. However in the last couple of months it seems that bitching in sports has become more then acceptable. What disgust me more then ever is the appearance that all fan bases seem to be collectively on their 'rag', bitching and moaning more then ever. Before I go head first into who is bitching and what they are bitching about, we must separate complaining from bitching.
I call the following symptoms the "Johnny Drama circle of bitchdom " if you, your fan base, your team or your local sports pundits are doing any of the following then they fall into the "Johnny Drama circle of bitchdom" and must take significant steps to improve upon this problem:
The Sport Is Doomed Bitch: "Oh no all the games are fixed. The Suns were robbed by David Stern and crooked refs. Pitchers can't get out of the 6th inning, when I was young a pitcher would throw 3 complete games back-to-back-to-back in 110 degree heat, butt naked with piranhas biting his testicles." If you hear this or anything similar to this from a pundit or friend tell them to "cram it up your cram hole LeFlur" cause you don't wanna hear it. Our professional sports aren't doomed, to put American sports into perspective there have been crooked refs and match fixing front office employees in European sports, especially soccer for 75 years and yet they seem to persevere. This bitch especially piss me off when I hear it from the sports writers, when did they become so intent on the doom of sports? If this sports-thing goes to shit, what will they have to bitch (or write and make a living) about?
Our Team Is Doomed Bitch: "Oh no, Kobe is going to Chicago for 3 draft picks and a used condom. What are we gonna do now that Jason Schmidt is injured? What will happen to us if Vick is playing soap hockey with inmates? How will we stop the Yankee's from making up a 10 game deficit? What will we do if KG leaves in the off-season, how will the team ever move on?" First of all, man up! You support your team because you love your team, not just because of the players on the team or because the team is winning. How will you manage without KG, the same way the other 29 teams do, by getting other players. How will you keep the Yankee's from catching the Sox? The Sox gotta put together a few decent games in a row that's how. I don't know what you do with 3 draft picks and a used condom but I assume you spend the picks on 3 Europeans that never come over to the NBA and you put the condom over jim buss' head and hope he gets the point. Basically I'm telling you to stop bitching because your team survived before your current situation and they will survive afterward, and so will the fans. When your team goes through adversity it should make you a stronger and better fan, not a bag of bleeding tampon filled complaints.
The 'This is a Tragedy Bitch': I won't even state an example for this one because they're are way too many to chose from; from Barbaro to Rafa Palmero it makes me sick. Anytime there is more then a little bit of drama in professional sports the fans treat it as a national tragedy. Michael Vick fighting dogs isn't a tragedy, it's just a group of sick bastards fulfilling sick pleasures. People in today's world quickly lose perspective on the current situation, as well as
the pass. The "Bonds Dilemma" (any time an athlete is most likely guilty of something you can't prove it's the Bonds Dilemma.) is a pain in the ass, but it doesn't deserve multichannel coverage for 160 days leading up to 756, it hardly deserves single channel coverage. So many people are upset about Bonds having "the most storied record in American Sports" and they call it a tragedy that a 'cheat' could have the record. News flash, as many pitchers are on the juice as batters or and in case you forgot, Pete Rose BET ON GAMES HE MANAGED! That is horrible, Rose could of been throwing games for personal profit (although to be fair he has time and time again stated that he only bet on the Reds to win games.) Bonds is just keeping up with the times, and the times are filled with cheaters. This isn't a tragedy... watching a plane fly into an American sky scrapper was tragedy.
The 'Our GM is Incompetent' Bitch: "How could Paxon pass on making a big off-season move? What the hell is Ned Colletti doing, I could do his job! Travis Knight and Sam Jacobson?!?!?" If you have ever been a fan of a sports team you have felt at one point or another that you could head the day-to-day team operations. The current generation of video games, web sites and books have closed the gap between GM and fan but the gap is still Snake River Gorge big. I was a victim of this particular bitch all last week, feeling that I could do a better job then Ned Colletti because he was making "two-step player acquisitions" (The 'GM Two-Step' is when you tell your fans that a signing or trade is taking the team 1 step forward, when it's really taking you 2 steps back.) Danny Ainge gets raked over the coals monthly by Bill Simmons, however I don't count that because Ainge is almost as incompetent as it gets and after reading tons of Simmons' work, I'm confident he really could do a better job then Ainge, but that doesn't stand for the rest of us; even if you GM IS a two-stepper.
The "This isn't my Sport" Bitch: It's a warm and clear Sunday afternoon and your settling in for a great afternoon of football. You call the buddies and before you know it your place is the social center of your world, until one jackass brings it all down. That one guy who openly and loudly bitches about the game your watching because it "isn't my sport and I don't like it". Usually there isn't a very good reason for why they don't like the sport, it's either boring or stupid or most likely they sucked at playing it as a kid and were teased endlessly about it. Regardless this guy can screw up even semi-enjoyable sporting events. If your watching boxing he wants to tell you how great UFC is. If your watching NFL he wants to talk NBA, if your watching NBA he wants to talk NASCAR and if your watching Soccer he wants to talk NFL. This guy will take cheap shots to piss you off and get you emotional, then when you get upset he'll say something like "see it's a panzi sport supported by panzis!" or "it doesn't matter what you say it still sucks". Damn it, these bastards need to be dealt with, this is also knowing as pulling a "Jay Marriotti". Bitching about a Big 3 sports because it isn't one of your niche sports and bitching about a niche cause it isn't Big 3 is equally as bad. Considering that the only 2 sports that draw average crowds in this country of over 30,000 per a game are baseball and football, I don't see where everyone gets off as defensive about the popularity about any given sport.
2006 Regular Season Attendance Figures:
NFL - 67,738
GER. Bundesliga: 37,644
English Premiership: 34,459
MLB: 31,423
NBA: (didn't find official number for league but it's in the 20,000s.)
and finally
The Uninformed Bitcher: You've seen the ESPNews commercials and all of us have a friend who says things like "Kobe Bryant sucks man, not only is he a ball hog, but he doesn't make a lot of the shots he jacks up." The preceding quote was made by a guy I know last season, he said it in the middle of a late January game in which Kobe put up 45 on 48 percent shooting plus 5 assist to only 1 turnover. I shook my head in dismay as I quickly ran off Kobe's season stats to date, shutting Brent's face quicker then OJ can say "acquittal." The point is that everyone has a friend, or at least knows someone who thinks they know everything about sports, but it's obvious to everyone that they hardly have a clue. They will come in a room and start bitching about whatever sport is on the TV trying to sound like the expert in the room. This is also known as the "novice sports fraud" but for the purpose of this article it all falls under the Uninformed Bitcher.'
These are the 6 types of bitching I've heard seemingly non stop since the start of summer and it's really pissing me off. What happened to enjoying sports because they are an escape from real life, instead of treating them like Entertainment Tonight. What Donaughy did was a shocking development, but I don't need Rachel Nichols outside of his estate for 20 straight days reporting of basically nothing. I don't need my sports to feel like a direct hyperlink to TMZ.com, that's why we have TMZ.com in the first place to fill the void in our lives where we bitch about nothing, especially nothing of any importance. So I'm gonna throw on my Dodger Jersey and Blue Dodger Fitted Cap cause the sun is shining and I'm not complaining; after all I'm a Dodger Fan. Through all the 'GM Two-Steps' and 'Bonds Dilemma's we're faced with I can always Wait 'Til Next Year, and I'm not bitching about it.
(EDITOR'S NOTE: The writer is in no way trying to be offensive or insulting to females. He is using the menstrual process and it's effects on some women as an example of what sports fans are current acting like on a consistent basis, not just 5-7 days a month.)
By: Nathaniel Gordon e-mail : LASportsblog@gmail.com
There is no bitching in sports, no exceptions. You might complain about the field quality or appeal to a referee or umpire about a bad call, but you never bitch about it. When you bitch about a call in Basketball you get a technical foul and in baseball you get thrown out of the game. In football bitching will cost you 15 yards, in hockey you might get 2 minutes in the penalty box or a yellow card in Soccer/World Football. Basically you are punished if you let a complaint spiral into a whiny bitch fest. However in the last couple of months it seems that bitching in sports has become more then acceptable. What disgust me more then ever is the appearance that all fan bases seem to be collectively on their 'rag', bitching and moaning more then ever. Before I go head first into who is bitching and what they are bitching about, we must separate complaining from bitching.
I call the following symptoms the "Johnny Drama circle of bitchdom " if you, your fan base, your team or your local sports pundits are doing any of the following then they fall into the "Johnny Drama circle of bitchdom" and must take significant steps to improve upon this problem:
The Sport Is Doomed Bitch: "Oh no all the games are fixed. The Suns were robbed by David Stern and crooked refs. Pitchers can't get out of the 6th inning, when I was young a pitcher would throw 3 complete games back-to-back-to-back in 110 degree heat, butt naked with piranhas biting his testicles." If you hear this or anything similar to this from a pundit or friend tell them to "cram it up your cram hole LeFlur" cause you don't wanna hear it. Our professional sports aren't doomed, to put American sports into perspective there have been crooked refs and match fixing front office employees in European sports, especially soccer for 75 years and yet they seem to persevere. This bitch especially piss me off when I hear it from the sports writers, when did they become so intent on the doom of sports? If this sports-thing goes to shit, what will they have to bitch (or write and make a living) about?
Our Team Is Doomed Bitch: "Oh no, Kobe is going to Chicago for 3 draft picks and a used condom. What are we gonna do now that Jason Schmidt is injured? What will happen to us if Vick is playing soap hockey with inmates? How will we stop the Yankee's from making up a 10 game deficit? What will we do if KG leaves in the off-season, how will the team ever move on?" First of all, man up! You support your team because you love your team, not just because of the players on the team or because the team is winning. How will you manage without KG, the same way the other 29 teams do, by getting other players. How will you keep the Yankee's from catching the Sox? The Sox gotta put together a few decent games in a row that's how. I don't know what you do with 3 draft picks and a used condom but I assume you spend the picks on 3 Europeans that never come over to the NBA and you put the condom over jim buss' head and hope he gets the point. Basically I'm telling you to stop bitching because your team survived before your current situation and they will survive afterward, and so will the fans. When your team goes through adversity it should make you a stronger and better fan, not a bag of bleeding tampon filled complaints.
The 'This is a Tragedy Bitch': I won't even state an example for this one because they're are way too many to chose from; from Barbaro to Rafa Palmero it makes me sick. Anytime there is more then a little bit of drama in professional sports the fans treat it as a national tragedy. Michael Vick fighting dogs isn't a tragedy, it's just a group of sick bastards fulfilling sick pleasures. People in today's world quickly lose perspective on the current situation, as well as
the pass. The "Bonds Dilemma" (any time an athlete is most likely guilty of something you can't prove it's the Bonds Dilemma.) is a pain in the ass, but it doesn't deserve multichannel coverage for 160 days leading up to 756, it hardly deserves single channel coverage. So many people are upset about Bonds having "the most storied record in American Sports" and they call it a tragedy that a 'cheat' could have the record. News flash, as many pitchers are on the juice as batters or and in case you forgot, Pete Rose BET ON GAMES HE MANAGED! That is horrible, Rose could of been throwing games for personal profit (although to be fair he has time and time again stated that he only bet on the Reds to win games.) Bonds is just keeping up with the times, and the times are filled with cheaters. This isn't a tragedy... watching a plane fly into an American sky scrapper was tragedy.
The 'Our GM is Incompetent' Bitch: "How could Paxon pass on making a big off-season move? What the hell is Ned Colletti doing, I could do his job! Travis Knight and Sam Jacobson?!?!?" If you have ever been a fan of a sports team you have felt at one point or another that you could head the day-to-day team operations. The current generation of video games, web sites and books have closed the gap between GM and fan but the gap is still Snake River Gorge big. I was a victim of this particular bitch all last week, feeling that I could do a better job then Ned Colletti because he was making "two-step player acquisitions" (The 'GM Two-Step' is when you tell your fans that a signing or trade is taking the team 1 step forward, when it's really taking you 2 steps back.) Danny Ainge gets raked over the coals monthly by Bill Simmons, however I don't count that because Ainge is almost as incompetent as it gets and after reading tons of Simmons' work, I'm confident he really could do a better job then Ainge, but that doesn't stand for the rest of us; even if you GM IS a two-stepper.
The "This isn't my Sport" Bitch: It's a warm and clear Sunday afternoon and your settling in for a great afternoon of football. You call the buddies and before you know it your place is the social center of your world, until one jackass brings it all down. That one guy who openly and loudly bitches about the game your watching because it "isn't my sport and I don't like it". Usually there isn't a very good reason for why they don't like the sport, it's either boring or stupid or most likely they sucked at playing it as a kid and were teased endlessly about it. Regardless this guy can screw up even semi-enjoyable sporting events. If your watching boxing he wants to tell you how great UFC is. If your watching NFL he wants to talk NBA, if your watching NBA he wants to talk NASCAR and if your watching Soccer he wants to talk NFL. This guy will take cheap shots to piss you off and get you emotional, then when you get upset he'll say something like "see it's a panzi sport supported by panzis!" or "it doesn't matter what you say it still sucks". Damn it, these bastards need to be dealt with, this is also knowing as pulling a "Jay Marriotti". Bitching about a Big 3 sports because it isn't one of your niche sports and bitching about a niche cause it isn't Big 3 is equally as bad. Considering that the only 2 sports that draw average crowds in this country of over 30,000 per a game are baseball and football, I don't see where everyone gets off as defensive about the popularity about any given sport.
2006 Regular Season Attendance Figures:
NFL - 67,738
GER. Bundesliga: 37,644
English Premiership: 34,459
MLB: 31,423
NBA: (didn't find official number for league but it's in the 20,000s.)
and finally
The Uninformed Bitcher: You've seen the ESPNews commercials and all of us have a friend who says things like "Kobe Bryant sucks man, not only is he a ball hog, but he doesn't make a lot of the shots he jacks up." The preceding quote was made by a guy I know last season, he said it in the middle of a late January game in which Kobe put up 45 on 48 percent shooting plus 5 assist to only 1 turnover. I shook my head in dismay as I quickly ran off Kobe's season stats to date, shutting Brent's face quicker then OJ can say "acquittal." The point is that everyone has a friend, or at least knows someone who thinks they know everything about sports, but it's obvious to everyone that they hardly have a clue. They will come in a room and start bitching about whatever sport is on the TV trying to sound like the expert in the room. This is also known as the "novice sports fraud" but for the purpose of this article it all falls under the Uninformed Bitcher.'
These are the 6 types of bitching I've heard seemingly non stop since the start of summer and it's really pissing me off. What happened to enjoying sports because they are an escape from real life, instead of treating them like Entertainment Tonight. What Donaughy did was a shocking development, but I don't need Rachel Nichols outside of his estate for 20 straight days reporting of basically nothing. I don't need my sports to feel like a direct hyperlink to TMZ.com, that's why we have TMZ.com in the first place to fill the void in our lives where we bitch about nothing, especially nothing of any importance. So I'm gonna throw on my Dodger Jersey and Blue Dodger Fitted Cap cause the sun is shining and I'm not complaining; after all I'm a Dodger Fan. Through all the 'GM Two-Steps' and 'Bonds Dilemma's we're faced with I can always Wait 'Til Next Year, and I'm not bitching about it.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
A Silver Lining and Black Quarterback
Also avaliable as well as so much more at LASportsblog.bravehost.com
By: Nathaniel Gordon
E-mail: LASportsblog@gmail.com
Please help me observe a moment of silence for Elton Brand's career....
Thank you.
It's difficult to imagine, much less believe, that after all these seasons of almost iron man like service that Elton Brand would succumb to an Achilles injury. Mr. 20-10 as I like to call him, Brand has been a faithful servant to the Clipper fan base for the last several years and before that was the clear superstar on a horrid Chicago Bulls team. With Brand's injury it appears that the drafting of Al Thorton was sheer genius. You have to admit that it must of been really hard for Clippers GM Elgin Baylor to pass up on hometown star and USC product Nick Young, I was screaming Young's name from the top of the Alps on draft night. Also even though they are different players from different times, Thronton eerily reminds me of Danny Manning (we all know how that went.) Taking the best player on the board isn't always as easy as it looks, however Baylor came through and it will pay dividends. Although Brand's injury isn't career ending it is still very serious and possibly career threatening depending on how he... heals... okay I'll do it - depending on how he HEELS (that was terrible, I should be shot in my writing hand for that.) and rehabs over the next few months. It is very possible that Brand will only be a shell of his once dominating presence on the boards and his mid-range jumper and first step will most likely be off. With all those inhibitions stated I can only hope that Brand will come back 100% and I wish him a speedy and full recovery.
I'll save the full obituary of Elton's Career for his retirement due to injury press conference in a few months...
While I'm waiting for poor Elton to hang up the Nike Air's I've had a chance to catch up with the Oakland Raiders Pre-Season workouts. There is this new quarterback in town with a killer arm. This strapping (no not a gun, complimenting his size) intelligent Black kid is poised to win a few games this season in Oakland if he can get his stuff straight and have a strong pre-season. For those of you not already aware I'm talking about Daunte Culpepper not JaMarcus Russell. JaMarcus is in the middle of a holdout in which the Raiders are trying to low ball him contractually when it comes to contract assurances, however the sides are moving closer and Russell should be in camp middle or late next week. In the meantime Culpepper is busy showing Lane Kiffin and the Raider Coaching Staff why he's still a top notch NFL quarterback. His addition is been called an act of desperation by his critics, but there is much bigger Silver Lining here then a Black Cloud (I swear these Sunday Puns are KILLING me, but I digress.) Culpepper has all the physical gifts that Russell has and the experience in the league to help the team be somewhat competitive while still teaching the young pup the ropes as he becomes acclimated to the NFL.
Culpepper was shaky at best in his 4 games with Miami, however let's put that stint into perspective. Culpepper, desperate to not slide into injured quarterback oblivion, clearly forced himself to play well before he was ready. It was the sports equivalent to trying to have sex the night after you throw your back out; getting back to business feels great but your clearly not yourself and when it comes time to perform your flat on your back. Culpepper knows what it feels like to be flat on his back, he was sacked 21 times in 4 games last year! Only Andrew Walter took more of a beating, (23 sacks in weeks 4 and 5 combined, 12 in week 4 and 11 in week 5) looking like a tackling bag instead of a quarterback. I won't even mention Aaron what's-his-face, that guy was a worse pick up then Kerry Collins, Jeff George (the 1st time) and Vince Evans combined. At least Culpepper gives us a former MVP candidate, it's the most excited I've been by a candidate since Trung Candidate came in the league and flamed out like an actress that hits her prime at 18... I know... I'm thinking Lohan too. Although with a little bad luck and a lot of cocaine we could be talking Dakota Fanning in a few years.
The Culpepper situation in Oakland can best be summed up in this scene from last weeks Entourage:
Turtle: "You can give me the whole thing Drama, I can't do this."
Drama (grabbing a life size bunny suit from the back of the car): "Give me your suit Turtle I'm going in."
Turtle: "What are you doing drama?"
Drama: "If I'm dropping 5 Gs on this shit I'm getting some pussy!"
That's how I feel about the Raiders picking up Culpepper, we are investing all this money and time in Russell, if he won't come into camp we better get something for our efforts and Daunte
Culpepper will suffice. Moreover, I try to fit my favorite show into each and every blog in some way and this seemed to match up the best. Especially since last weeks episode pretty much blew chunks, I don't care about Ari's kid and where he goes to school, nor do I care about a human side to Ari's character. I care about as much as you care about reading this shit in a sports blog - but it's my blog so get yourself sorted out. Anyway things are looking up in Oakland while they're looking down in Clippers Camp, and no matter which side of the coin your on always know that their is a silver lining in every black situation.
E-Mail: LASportsblog@gmail.com
By: Nathaniel Gordon
E-mail: LASportsblog@gmail.com
Please help me observe a moment of silence for Elton Brand's career....
Thank you.
It's difficult to imagine, much less believe, that after all these seasons of almost iron man like service that Elton Brand would succumb to an Achilles injury. Mr. 20-10 as I like to call him, Brand has been a faithful servant to the Clipper fan base for the last several years and before that was the clear superstar on a horrid Chicago Bulls team. With Brand's injury it appears that the drafting of Al Thorton was sheer genius. You have to admit that it must of been really hard for Clippers GM Elgin Baylor to pass up on hometown star and USC product Nick Young, I was screaming Young's name from the top of the Alps on draft night. Also even though they are different players from different times, Thronton eerily reminds me of Danny Manning (we all know how that went.) Taking the best player on the board isn't always as easy as it looks, however Baylor came through and it will pay dividends. Although Brand's injury isn't career ending it is still very serious and possibly career threatening depending on how he... heals... okay I'll do it - depending on how he HEELS (that was terrible, I should be shot in my writing hand for that.) and rehabs over the next few months. It is very possible that Brand will only be a shell of his once dominating presence on the boards and his mid-range jumper and first step will most likely be off. With all those inhibitions stated I can only hope that Brand will come back 100% and I wish him a speedy and full recovery.
I'll save the full obituary of Elton's Career for his retirement due to injury press conference in a few months...
While I'm waiting for poor Elton to hang up the Nike Air's I've had a chance to catch up with the Oakland Raiders Pre-Season workouts. There is this new quarterback in town with a killer arm. This strapping (no not a gun, complimenting his size) intelligent Black kid is poised to win a few games this season in Oakland if he can get his stuff straight and have a strong pre-season. For those of you not already aware I'm talking about Daunte Culpepper not JaMarcus Russell. JaMarcus is in the middle of a holdout in which the Raiders are trying to low ball him contractually when it comes to contract assurances, however the sides are moving closer and Russell should be in camp middle or late next week. In the meantime Culpepper is busy showing Lane Kiffin and the Raider Coaching Staff why he's still a top notch NFL quarterback. His addition is been called an act of desperation by his critics, but there is much bigger Silver Lining here then a Black Cloud (I swear these Sunday Puns are KILLING me, but I digress.) Culpepper has all the physical gifts that Russell has and the experience in the league to help the team be somewhat competitive while still teaching the young pup the ropes as he becomes acclimated to the NFL.
Culpepper was shaky at best in his 4 games with Miami, however let's put that stint into perspective. Culpepper, desperate to not slide into injured quarterback oblivion, clearly forced himself to play well before he was ready. It was the sports equivalent to trying to have sex the night after you throw your back out; getting back to business feels great but your clearly not yourself and when it comes time to perform your flat on your back. Culpepper knows what it feels like to be flat on his back, he was sacked 21 times in 4 games last year! Only Andrew Walter took more of a beating, (23 sacks in weeks 4 and 5 combined, 12 in week 4 and 11 in week 5) looking like a tackling bag instead of a quarterback. I won't even mention Aaron what's-his-face, that guy was a worse pick up then Kerry Collins, Jeff George (the 1st time) and Vince Evans combined. At least Culpepper gives us a former MVP candidate, it's the most excited I've been by a candidate since Trung Candidate came in the league and flamed out like an actress that hits her prime at 18... I know... I'm thinking Lohan too. Although with a little bad luck and a lot of cocaine we could be talking Dakota Fanning in a few years.
The Culpepper situation in Oakland can best be summed up in this scene from last weeks Entourage:
Turtle: "You can give me the whole thing Drama, I can't do this."
Drama (grabbing a life size bunny suit from the back of the car): "Give me your suit Turtle I'm going in."
Turtle: "What are you doing drama?"
Drama: "If I'm dropping 5 Gs on this shit I'm getting some pussy!"
That's how I feel about the Raiders picking up Culpepper, we are investing all this money and time in Russell, if he won't come into camp we better get something for our efforts and Daunte
Culpepper will suffice. Moreover, I try to fit my favorite show into each and every blog in some way and this seemed to match up the best. Especially since last weeks episode pretty much blew chunks, I don't care about Ari's kid and where he goes to school, nor do I care about a human side to Ari's character. I care about as much as you care about reading this shit in a sports blog - but it's my blog so get yourself sorted out. Anyway things are looking up in Oakland while they're looking down in Clippers Camp, and no matter which side of the coin your on always know that their is a silver lining in every black situation.
E-Mail: LASportsblog@gmail.com
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